Saturday, February 25 - Day 2

Well ill start with a sorry since i was just really overwhelmed and exhausted so i didnt get the chance to write last night.  You wouldnt think that sitting in a building all day would do this to you but once you add in all the thinking and emotions it is overly draining. 
Friday morning was a good morning.  Laci woke up and was acting just like she would at home.  Jumping, screaming, laughing and watching morning cartoons.  Nurses were in all night but it didnt really mess up her sleep which made it nice that she was able to rest.  Nothing makes me happier when my baby girl is smiling and happy.  Its so sad that something as brutal as cancer is living in someone who is so happy. 
I sit back and i know this may sound weird but i thank god that the tumor made her ear bleed.  If the ear drum would not have burst we never would have known that something was wrong.  Its scary to think how long it would have taken and how much worse our situation could be right now.  Knowing that this tumor is so close to her brain and i am talking milimeters away this could have been a ton worse.  Thank god it showed its ugly head early enough to catch it.
Back to friday.  I went down to the cafeteria to get karissa and i some breakfast and drinks.  Breakfast burritos, and oddly they were pretty good for hospital food.  Laci's breakfast was pancakes but she wanted nothing to do with them.  They said she could eat and drink since it was sounding as if the CT scan and MRI were not going to happen.  She didnt want her breakfast so she took a few bits off of moms burrito and had a little apple juice.  Sadly 10 minutes into breakfast they let us know that the CT scan was on so she had to stop eating and drinking at 815am.  Nothing is harder than taking food from your child and they dont understand why they cant have it.
Day seemed to drag but it was nice we had a neighbor come visit which was a huge surprise.  Laci was in and out of being in pain so we had to have a little bit of morphine administered. Luke and my parents showed up for lunch.  Karissa and I went down and had lunch with him since they werent going to let him in to the room.  Had a good lunch and also got a amazing visitor while we ate.  She had some extremely amazing words for us and told us that she had added Laci to her bible studies prayer chain.  Mrs W. we thank you for everything, your words and thoughts helped me a lot.  We finished up our lunch and headed back upstairs.  I decided to go in and ask the charge nurse for just a few moments that luke could see laci.  She agreed!!!!  I got to say i thought the birth of my kids were the best moments.  I was wrong, the moment where your kids get to see eachother after not being able to, the moment was amazing and will forever be frozen in my mind.  Luckily with todays technology i was able to get a picture as well which is above.
 Had a lot of people during the day send some amazing messages, we also got a few more visitors which was amazing.  CT scan was scheduled for 330pm and just like hospital schedules they came and got us at 4pm.  But hey i was fine as long as it was happening.
Went in for CT and they asked kind of a weird favor.  They wanted me to hold her as they injected the sedation medicine.  I know it comforted her but it scared the hell out of me when she just went limp in my arms.  My heart dropped, seeing your baby sleep is one thing, but to watch your baby go limp and asleep from medicine is a whole nother scenario.  Then to add to it, he tells me that is was propathol which is what killed Michael Jackson.  I know his dose was a lot higher that killed him but the initial name throwing in a way made me mad.  But i laid her down and let them do their work. 
After the CT scan of course she was mad and wanted to be back in her room.  We got back and found that another neighbor had stopped and left some nice gifts for Laci and Luke. We got laci situated in her room and got word that my older brother and sister in law had made it into town and were excited to see her.  We brought them back and i went out to hang with my parents and Luke.  Luke was so excited and i was too to see him.  It had only been a little while but it seemed like forever.  Love my little man.
Everyone hung out for a little bit and by then me and karissa were starting to get a little hungry so my brother took off and got us some In N Out.  For sure hit the spot, i would have eaten my shoe over hospital food again, it just gets old after a while.  The night ended for me with karissa's sister coming to visit for a few.  After she left they hydrated laci enough to start her chemo.  I couldnt stand anymore and my eyelids felt like 100lbs.  Karissa said to go ahead and go to the trailer to sleep and she would handle it.  What an amazing woman she is.  I know where my little girl gets her fight now for sure.

Thursday, February 23, 2012 - Day 1

Wow, what a day! Arrived to the hospital today at 10:30am and of course Laci fell asleep as soon as we pulled in the parking lot. Wife went in to register so at least she could get a little nap in before everything kicked off. It was good for me too, gave me a little time where i didnt have to act strong. Sometimes a good cry is just that, good. You always see where this has affected others and you never know what its like until it pulls up in front of you and smacks you in the face. Well its not fun, and i weep for those who have dealt or are dealing with this. Sorry a little of track there but im new to this journal/blogging thing. So we finally get called in and meet our team for the day. Great group of doctors and nurses, lots of confidence, very energetic. Makes for nice feelings when your stomach is in knots and your mind is racing about what this little girl is about to go through.

Finally at 1pm she goes back for surgery. Surgery is going to take around an hour to implant a port line to her heart. The port line is used to run IV's and/or take blood samples. It sits just under the skin on her chest and wont be removed until the chemotherapy treatments are complete. Then after surgery was done a nurse is coming in to do 2 bone marrow extractions and also a lumbar puncture. My baby is going through hell and i cant take any of this pain away. Its very unnerving for a protective father especially when your wife is in tears and you have to maintain the strength which is hard enough as it is. Finally at 4pm she is awake and in recovery.

So by about 415pm we reach our room for the week and see our lovely sleeping arrangements. But i cant complain too much since i atleast get to stay with my baby girl. Sad part is her crib looks like an animal cage but its only for a short time so ill make do. She is still asleep but opens her eyes for a couple seconds every once in a while. Atleast she is not in pain at the moment. We meet our nursing staff and try and get situated. Wifes parents want to get in and see Laci before they drive back to Marina for work the following day, so the nurse lets them come in. Good visit, its always nice when family is around. Got to also meet the Oncologist who was amazing and has a funny dry sense of humor. Almost socially akward but she is brilliant so it makes up for anything else. She actually started the childrens oncology department her so she must be doing something right. She gives up some good word and a possible treatment plan barring any unforseen uprisings.

Around 730pm my parents and our son show up. Also had some amazing friends show up at the same time. I feel bad for my son, he is 5 and is so protective of his little sister but yet he cant come in to see her. Seems unfair but at the same time i know there are other kids here already in treatment that need that sterile enviroment.

The Baker Clan as well as Ms. Forman brought some amazing gifts, snacks, blankets, and a huge banner signed by all the players, staff, and booster club members of our local hockey team to hang on her wall. My parents took over in the room so me and the wife could go eat some food with our boy and hang out. Felt good to sit down and see our son for a while. Really missed him today, so proud of the kid he is. I probably dont tell him enough but he really is amazing.

Now we are back in the room. Laci and mama are fast asleep and comfortable. I cant help but just sit her and listen to her breathe while i type. I know tomorrow is not far away and more tests are on the horizon. I cant thank the people enough that have been our support through this so far. Its amazing, and breathtaking.

I am new to this and hope i get better as i go. Thank you all again. God Bless and we love you all!!